Dolittle (2020)

★

A physician who can talk to animals embarks on an adventure to find a legendary island with a young apprentice and a crew of strange pets.

Classification: PG

You know what this could have worked, as atrocious as Dolittle got I could imagine a version of this being entertaining which in the end was my only salvation in warding off brain death when the unbearable third act rolled around. Due to horrible creative decisions in scripting, directing and the baffling lifeless performance from Robert Downey Jr., the few sparks of colourful campiness and imagination just made the whole experience more depressing. Literally starting with a creatively animated prologue detailing Downey Jr.'s John Dolittle origins, showing how he met his animal companions, fell in love and in the wake of a tragedy became an anti-social recluse. Those two minutes have more charm and imagination pumped into them then the whole runtime and when the depressing live-action reality bleeds in you can't help wondering why this movie wasn't just animated?! It looked great, Emma Thompson narrated and I didn't have to listen to Downey Jr. make chimp noises in a Welsh accent.

Director Stephen Gaghan, a filmmaker known for political drama and thrillers such as Syriana or Gold steps way, way outside his comfort zone here, the weight of Dolittle's budget bears down on everything on screen with extravagant sets, action sequences and campy performances from both humans and animated animals. Gaghan's work mixed with the reported expensive reshoots just leaves so much happening on the screen, everything about Dolittle feels hollow, no spirit or momentum is driving the adventure. The character development feels tacked on and despite the stakes of Dolittle losing his home, the animal's lives being in danger, and Queen Victoria on the brink of death everything just feels passive. It's a film sleepwalking through everything, all these subplots and payoffs having no emotional weight and either resolved through convenience to get to keep the plot moving or abandoned for really bizarre choices. While it has influences from the Pirates of the Carribean series (complete with a pirate island, ship battles, mythological treasures, and a talking parrot) Dolittle never gets a grip on its tone or purpose, a lot of time feeling like an excuse for Downey Jr. to prance around with a funny voice and somehow that will suffice for audiences.

Downey Jr. trading in Tony Stark for John Dolittle is probably not the post-Marvel debut that he and his team were hoping for, while his natural charisma glided him to global success in the previous role, Dolittle is a terrible showcase of his talents. With a bizarre Welsh accent, mannerisms and aloof personality, it does feel like Downey trying to construct his own Jack Sparrow, a maverick who can shine bright against an ensemble. It's just strange and offputting with Downey seeming so disconnected as Gaghan never properly conveys his character's arc. Beginning as a hermit, Dolittle's reasonings while on paper seem motivated by emotion the film never actually displays his growth as a character, he just shifts because the narrative dictates it. Gaghan fails to really make Dolittle a likeable hero to root for and while there are some creative uses to his ability to talk to animals (I was a fan of the steampunk whale harness sequence) Downey Jr. seems to have misunderestimated his eccentric appeal. In fact, Michael Sheen, who plays the antagonist Dr Blair Müdfly is a far more enjoyable to watch, a classic moustache-twirling campy villain with a vendetta against Dolittle, the script fails his character as well, the third act unceremoniously removing him and making the climax of the film revolve around a dragon colonoscopy. In terms of the Downey Jr.'s animated animal co-stars, there are mostly fine with some standing out more than others, Rami Malek's easily frightened gorilla Chee-Chee having the closest thing to a character arc. Although just like most elements of the script it gets resolved in a manner that is completely underwhelming and has no real emotion behind it. John Cena as a talking polar bear had its moments even though hearing Cena's voice say "Bro" while on a Victorian-era ship made me question if I was having a stroke I do find it amusing when bears blow stuff up with dynamite. A lot of the other animals have their quirks, Emma Thompson as Dolittle's guiding conscious and closest friend (a parrot named Polly), Octavia Spencer as a duck who confuses medical equipment for vegetables, Craig Robinson as a squirrel who has a vendetta against Stubbins, Dolittle's teenage apprentice for shooting him, believing that the teenager is planning to finish the job. Another storyline that is never really resolved as Stubbins injuring the squirrel was the catalyst for part of the adventure nor really explained why the squirrel joined Dolittle's crew.

Stubbins is our audience guide, the character that we see the world through, his wonderment is our wonderment allegedly but while giving a kid sidekick to Downey Jr's cinematic heroes is nothing new, still, Gaghan and the script fails to make a compelling arc out of any relationship in the film. The only compelling elements are the brief visuals that suggest a creative vibrant world to Dolittle, Dominic Watkins's production design work to make this steampunk design to Dolittle's equipment lends to the attempted "epic adventure" feel. While most of the film just goes for the most obvious humour; comedic bodily harm, dragon flatulence, and animal slapstick, Dolittle does land a few jokes that are my right amount of dumb and had me laughing. The whole film is just a misguided predictable journey of poor characterisation and plotting but any goodwill they film had built with animal tomfoolery or fancy sets is thrown overboard by the abysmal third act. Abandoning reason and logic and despite fantasy elements being established with Dolittle's ability to speak with animals, the film just goes off the rails with the most boring, immature and peculiar choices that have no bearing on anything previously established or completely undercut what was set up.

A lot of Dolittle feels desperate, hoping that flashy set pieces and an all-star ensemble will make up for all its shortcoming where it really counts. There is no tangible soul to the film, just different visions collided together in hopes to make something of this ill-gotten adventure worthwhile. Awkward performances, underwhelming pacing and consequence to its storyline along with not utilising the more campy elements properly makes Dolittle a muddled mess. Brief moments of levity are not enough to justify this voyage, it's one of those films that has you questioning why you're still sitting in the cinema and just thinking about the film gives me a headache so I'm just gonna stop.

Imagine a better film or just watch an older adaptation.

Director: #StephenGaghan

Screenwriter: #StephenGaghan, #DanGregor, and #DougMand

Cast: #RobertDowneyJr, #AntonioBanderas, #MichaelSheen, #JimBroadbent, #JessieBuckley #EmmaThompson, #RamiMalek, #JohnCena, #KumailNanjiani, #OctaviaSpencer, #TomHolland, #CraigRobinson, #JasonMantzoukas, #RalphFiennes, #SelenaGomez, #MarionCotillard